The Lie Emetophobia Told Me About Being Un-Lovable

“Yeah, But They Won’t Judge Me…”
A Story of Fireworks, Fear, and Breaking the ‘Safe Person’ Spell

“Home is my safe place. I’m good being a homebody.”

“I only ride with my dad—he gets it.”

“I could never travel with kids… they’re literal petri dishes.”

Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever struggled with emetophobia, chances are you’ve built a mental list of “safe” people and places. You end up living by an internal rulebook who you can be with, where you can go, what you can eat, and under what conditions all in the name of feeling “safe.”

But here’s the real lie emetophobia tells you:
You’re only lovable to certain people.

Not just because you live with a debilitating fear that already carries guilt and shame…
But because you believe you’re only acceptable to people who will:

• Tolerate your panic attacks
• Quietly collude with you when you “need” to escape (this was my dad!)
• Stick around if the worst-case scenario actually happens (yes, the dreaded vomit or some other very human bodily function)

Emetophobia convinces you that unless someone signs up to be your emotional bodyguard, you’re unworthy of their presence, support, or love. But that belief? It’s simply not true.

I used to have an elite little circle of “safe people” my parents were always on the VIP list. But anyone new? A potential friend? A cute guy I was dating? They had to pass a very unofficial (and extremely high-stakes) safety test which usually involved a mini panic attack.

Let me tell you about one date in particular that lives rent-free in my memory. It was embarrassing and kind of sad at the time, but now I can see the humor and more importantly, the truth hiding underneath it.

It was my birthday, and I had made plans to meet this very handsome, mysterious, country-boy type. We were going to grab dinner an hour from home and then head to a fair for fireworks. He had a truck, that brooding quiet vibe, and I was 100% intimidated. (Social anxiety: 1, me: 0.)

I showed up in the cutest orange romper, ready to sparkle…except I couldn’t even eat much at dinner, because of course, emetophobia (can’t just leave me alone one night can you? Ugh…). Still, we had a great time at the fair! I even won a giant bag of Sour Patch Kids because the game landed on my birthday number. I was glowing on the outside… but inside, the fear was bubbling.

As the night went on, we climbed into his truck to watch the fireworks…and then it happened.

Just a slight twinge in my stomach. That’s all it took. My brain hit the panic button like it was the Fourth of July finale. I started catastrophizing immediately:
💥 What if I throw up right when he tries to kiss me?
💥 What if there’s no bathroom nearby (or the dreaded port o john with a wait out to whazu)?!
💥 What if I get sick and ruin everything…?

Emetophobes know this moment well. We scan the horizon like CIA agents for the nearest exit route “Can I disappear into that dark forest over there and never be seen again?” seems reasonable, right?

He put his arm around me, and boom my brain went DEFCON 1. I bolted.

“I have to go!” I blurted.

He looked stunned. “Wait—why? Please stay!”

I wanted to say, Because I’m about to turn into a pumpkin (“Cinderella-An Emetophobia Story” lol…)or Because my brain is lying to me, but all I could manage was: “I just have to.”

I jumped out, ran to my car which was a far hike, drove home, deflated and furious with myself.
That familiar emetophobia inner voice kicked in—loud, harsh, and relentless.
It’s not just anxious… it’s a perfectionist bully.

“You should’ve stayed.”
“You ruined everything—again.”
“See? You were fine. What is wrong with you?”
“Why can’t you just be normal for once?”

It’s never kind.
It never says, “You did your best,” or “It’s okay to feel scared, at least you tried.”
Nope. It’s all punishment, shame, and guilt on loop.

That’s the thing about emetophobia it’s not just fear.
It’s fear wrapped in impossible standards, perfectionism, and the lie that anything less than total control equals failure.

Another date ruined. Another what-if. Another missed kiss, missed moment, missed memory. All because he didn’t feel safe. And the worst part? He might have been my Prince Charming (I’m married now but this is for dramatic purposes-and I checked, he’s fine with it!).

As I drove, the anxiety melted away: my stomach relaxed, the shaking stopped, the appetite returned enough to eat a midnight snack by the time I got home. Ugh. Seriously, brain?

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Why “Safe” People Aren’t Really the Problem

Emetophobia sufferers often cling to the idea of “safe” people and places. But what do we really mean by “safe”? Let’s be honest. We think these people won’t:

• Be disgusted by us
• Laugh at or mock us
• Abandon us
• Think we’re gross
• See us as a burden
• Stop loving us
• Judge us
• Be annoyed by us
• View us as weak or broken

And underneath all of that?

The terrifying thought: If they see me at my worst, they won’t want me anymore. Not just that but what if they know about my phobia? Will I seem weak if I’m panicking?

“Many emetophobes could write survival guides for how to disappear from a party faster than a magician—no smoke bombs needed.”

But the truth is, these are disgust-propensity lies. They are fear-based thoughts, not facts.

And guess what? Most of this fear isn’t even about vomiting…it’s about social rejection. It’s emetophobia, plus social anxiety, plus a giant fear of not being lovable if we lose control.

One of my lovely clients from the UK—who, by the way, has the most charming accent (seriously, I’d pay for her to narrate my life) recently told me a story that totally shattered the whole “people will judge me if I’m sick” belief.

Apparently, two of her friends once got food poisoning on a plane.
At the same time.
Both of them, quietly puking into those tiny airplane sick bags like synchronized swimmers of stomach doom.

And guess what?

No one. Even. Noticed.
Not a single passenger looked twice. No screams. No chaos. Not even a side-eye.

Fast forward to dinner later that week, and these two are cracking up at the memory. Like it was just a funny little travel tale—“Oh remember that time we both vomited at 30,000 feet? LOL.”

No shame. No disgust. Just two humans doing what humans sometimes have to do.

Okay, if they can laugh about that, maybe YOU too can stop believing your body will make you unlovable.

The truth is: the world isn’t as harsh as we think. Most people are just trying to get through their day, not judging you for being human. And even if someone does act unkindly, that’s on them NOT you.

You don’t need to treat your home like a panic-proof bunker.
You don’t need a chaperone just to ride in the car.
And you definitely don’t need to miss out on fireworks and first kisses just because your brain told you so.

“If someone reacts poorly to your humanity, they are not your people. Period. You don’t have to stop living to make other people comfortable.”

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Here’s Your Reminder:
You are lovable. You are safe. You are stronger than this fear.

Your life isn’t meant to be lived from the bathroom floor.
It’s meant to be lived out loud, in cute orange rompers, under summer skies lit up with fireworks.

💛 You’ve got this. I can support you!