Who Would I Be Without My Emetophobia?

Discover A Better Identity

Do you remember the first time you felt safe opening up about your fear to someone? It was like the floodgates opened! You probably shared all the ways it has limited your life, where you believe it originated, how severe it is (the worst ever, right?), and how you manage your life with it, especially if you have kids. It encompasses who you are, your current identity, and sometimes, like in my case, it was all I had ever known.

Undoubtedly, having emetophobia becomes your identity. Like most mental health symptoms, it falls on a spectrum, but we know that the majority of emetophobia sufferers use about 90% of their mental capacity every day on thoughts related to being sick. These thoughts are often unconscious, small, and barely noticeable, becoming rooted in your thinking habits that you rarely recognize how disempowering they are. Not to mention, these thoughts maintain and reinforce how you feel and what you believe about getting sick. They act like drops of lighter fluid for the fire of anxiety, making your emetophobic thoughts and anxiety bigger, more real, and then placed in the forefront of your mind! 

For example, imagine your in-laws come into town, and your mother-in-law starts preparing the food you’re expected to eat. You’re no longer in control of whether she’s hand-washed everything or if there might be some illness involved. You might feel a slight cringe followed by the thought, “Oh no, how can I get out of eating that dish? She was just on a plane with potentially sick people—what if she’s carrying some bug?” From that moment until dinner, you’re likely creating a series of anxiety-provoking thoughts and brooding about ways to avoid the perceived threat. These thoughts accumulate into one big picture—they’re like putting on negatively tinted spectacles which becomes your overall attitude every day. More importantly, they drive your behaviors which with time and repetition become your identity. As a result, a perfectly lovely and potentially fun evening can be consumed by dread, and you end up putting energy into avoidance instead of enjoying time playing ball in the backyard, joking around, and creating beautiful memories!

A Limited Identity

Have you ever felt like emetophobia has been your constant companion, defining who you are and how you live your life? It’s like it’s been there forever, right? For many sufferers, emetophobia becomes such a huge part of their identity that it feels like they can’t remember a time without it. You might not have known it had a clinical name, but you’ve always felt the restrictions it puts on your life. You may believe it’s tied to a past experience, something that now shapes everything you think and do which is another blog for another day but you can learn more about why this idea isn’t true below.

Are You Unknowingly Gaining from Emetophobia?

You might be thinking, “No way, I hate this phobia! There’s no possible way it’s doing me any favors.” But here’s something to consider: sometimes, even the things we dislike can come with hidden perks, often referred to as secondary gains.

Have you ever thought about the idea that your emetophobia might be providing you with some unexpected benefits? Maybe it’s the extra care and attention you get from loved ones when you’re feeling anxious like spending hours on the phone in the middle of the night being reassured. Or perhaps it gives you a valid excuse to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable, like big social events or trying new foods. So much of emetophobia revolves around avoidance techniques and ruminating on those fears. It might even be a way to stay within your comfort zone, steering clear of responsibilities or situations that feel overwhelming.

It’s almost like having a secret ally—your phobia might be serving you in ways you hadn’t fully realized. But here’s the catch: these secondary gains, while comforting on the surface, can actually keep you trapped in a cycle that reinforces itself and grows bigger each time! I want you to feel powerful and in control, but these sneaky so called perks do the opposite for you. When you think about overcoming emetophobia, it’s not just about tackling the fear itself; it’s also about recognizing and letting go of the hidden benefits that have kept you in your comfort zone. While these secondary gains might offer temporary relief or make certain situations easier to navigate, they ultimately keep you stuck in a cycle that limits your potential and holds you back from living the full, vibrant life you deserve.

“Anything that doesn’t empower you or strengthen your belief in your OWN ability to overcome is actually holding you back.” Coach Lauren

Recognizing these secondary gains is a powerful move in your journey toward a new, more empowered identity.

Using Better Language

A common limiting belief with emetophobia is, “I can’t control my thoughts.” This belief can make you feel trapped in your own mind, as if your brain is hijacked by emetophobia. What you believe will come out in your language! It makes sense why you might see yourself through this emetophobe identity lens. You might think, “This is how it will always be,” “I can’t change,” or “I’ve tried everything; I just have to live like this.”

One thing that can be unhelpful in changing your identity is the language we use. Even saying “emetophobe” can be limiting and misleading. Language can reinforce the idea that emetophobia is your identity, that it’s something you both have and are. This is similar to how identifying with terms like “addiction” or “clinical depression” can create a sense of powerlessness. These labels can make the issue seem like a monumental obstacle, rather than something you can manage and overcome.

Instead, start practicing statements such as “I am emetophobia-free” or “I am an ex-emetophobe,” even if you’ve only taken the first step of contemplating your life and identity without emetophobia. Using these affirmations can help shift your mindset and reinforce the idea that you are moving beyond this identity. My goal is to encourage you to think about your life without this label because identifying with emetophobia isn’t helpful. Just saying it can reinforce a sense of powerlessness, which is the opposite of what we want to achieve for you!

So, take a few moments or even an entire day to consider: who would you be without your identity as “an emetophobe”? What would you do with all the mental space and energy you’ve been dedicating to fear and big, scary thoughts? What would fill those 45,000+ thoughts you have each day? Please don’t beat yourself up if it is hard at first, just give it a go, it will come! 

In my opinion, taking this step is crucial when you’re starting your emetophobia-free journey because it creates space for much-needed hope. This sense of hope or belief can ignite your excitement and motivation to take the next steps toward overcoming your phobia for good.

First Step: Envision Your New Identity and Goals Beyond Emetophobia

 It might feel impossible, and you may not know where to start, but that’s perfectly fine! Just do your best-imagine the possibilities—would you dive into a sushi feast? Or maybe you’re thinking about taking the leap and trying skydiving? Okay, okay, let’s not get carried away just yet!! It’s awesome to dream big, but remember, every small step in the right direction counts!

Start with this simple question: “If I weren’t afraid of being sick, what exciting things would I do?” Maybe you’ve always fantasized about traveling to far-off places, felt the joy of pregnancy, or thought about becoming a kindergarten teacher or a nurse. If there were no limits, where would you go? What daring adventures would you set out on?

Start imagining those dreams—big or small. The sky’s the limit when it comes to your new, fearless future!

Visualize A Clear Powerful Journey

This new identity you imagine will become your goal, helping you to identify what is helpful and unhelpful on your journey. Unhelpful things are like potholes along the road. Rob Kelly often uses the analogy of traveling from Cambridge to London, where London represents your goal of thriving. Just as you would stay on the road from Cambridge to London, no matter how fast or slow, you need to stay focused on your goal. On your journey, it’s important to identify what helps you progress and what hinders you. 

As a general example, if your goal and identity is to lose weight and be fit and healthy, eating a sleeve of Oreo cookies would be unhelpful and a potential pothole.

Find somewhere quiet and comfortable and start with small steps and give yourself the time and space to really imagine. 

Even if you’re only beginning to contemplate your life without emetophobia, practicing affirmations like “I am emetophobia-free” or “I am an ex-emetophobe” can help shift your mindset. These affirmations will reinforce the idea that you are moving beyond this identity, paving the way for a new and exciting future.

One of the most important factors in whether a person can achieve a goal, regardless of what that goal is, is how POWERFUL they feel in relation to achieving their goal, AND how much CONTROL they feel they have over it-Rob Kelly

“When you begin to imagine—really visualize—who you’d like to be, with details and in full color, your brain starts to believe it’s real. ” ~Coach Lauren

Imagination is more powerful than you think

According to Coué’s Law, when there’s a conflict between what you consciously want and what you imagine vividly, your imagination has the upper hand. This means that if you create a detailed and emotionally charged vision of your life without emetophobia, your brain is more likely to move towards that vision.

In contrast, if your conscious efforts to overcome emetophobia lack emotional engagement or aren’t as vivid, they may not be as effective. For instance, if you merely think about overcoming your fear without truly feeling excited or inspired by the idea, it’s less likely to drive significant change.

Emotional conviction is about the strength of your feelings and belief in your imagined future. The stronger and more vivid your emotional connection to this new identity, the more likely your brain is to align with that vision, making it easier for you to achieve your goals.

You will start looking for evidence to confirm your new empowered identity rather than reinforcing the limiting belief “I am an emetophobe and will always be.”

Research shows that our brains process imagination almost the same as actual experiences, activating similar neural pathways and evoking real emotional and physiological responses. By imagining the person you want to become, you’re not just setting a goal—you’re clearing the pathway for your thoughts and actions to align with that vision. As coaches, we know from experience that the effort you put into overcoming your fears is the deciding factor in whether or not you succeed. This is why this shift in mindset is essential. 

By letting your imagination of the life you want take the lead, instead of focusing on the life you’ve known, you can ignite the motivation and excitement needed to fully embrace your Thrive journey. This shift makes your goals not just feel possible but truly inevitable—and to add a cherry on top, it’s a whole lot of fun! Embracing this approach turns your journey into an exciting adventure where the life you envision becomes your reality, making the process both rewarding and enjoyable.

You can do this and I want to support you and see who you will become!

So, let’s take a step back and look at what this journey could mean for YOU. Think about it: who would you be without the constraints of emetophobia? For me, embracing this journey meant opening doors I never thought possible. I can now travel without the constant worry of being near someone who might be sick, and I relish spending time around children without fear. Cooking has become an exciting adventure—especially when experimenting with different meats—something I wouldn’t do before. Even mission trips, which once seemed daunting with all the germs, dirt, and unexpected circumstances, are now manageable and enriching experiences.

Here’s the deal: moving beyond emetophobia isn’t so much about facing your fear; it’s about reclaiming your life from the shadow of avoidance and believing that emetophobia is happening to you and must be your identity. It’s about claiming your new Thrivey identity!

It’s about saying goodbye to the hidden perks that, while comforting, have kept you in a cycle that limits your potential. It might seem challenging at first, but letting go of these secondary gains is an essential step toward real freedom. When you let go of these old patterns, you make space for genuine growth, new experiences, and a life where you are in control, not your phobia.

So, take that first step—envision the person you want to be, the life you want to lead, and the goals you want to achieve without emetophobia holding you back. It’s not just about managing your fear; it’s about creating a future that excites you. Your journey toward overcoming emetophobia can open up a world of possibilities you might not have imagined before so get excited and give me a call to see how we can get you Thriving and embrace this adventure. You might be surprised at how much more you can explore and enjoy when you start living beyond your fears.